They Have Secretly Organized in to a Secret Criminal Society
Mark Twain Notebook, 1895
He sniggers in the way only an evil genius with a plan can. Yet it is not too late to unmask this feline plot. Here, We present here definitive proof that cats have a secret plan to take over the planet and form the furred reich. Above we see the mastermind of the CATLIT (Cats Arise – Terrorize Local Impudent Two-Footers – i.e. humans!!) taken by our intrepid undercover agent. He was able to upload the image before being caught and thrown, without mercy, to the kittens. The swine! Well, feline would be more accurate but you get the drift.
They Have a Secret Service
Another secretly taken photographic shows one of the High Commanders of CATLIT being guarded by her group of Secret Service Felines. Do not be fooled by the restive and laid back air of this apparently harmless grouping. This group of blood thirsty murderers had recently viciously (and without provocation) attacked and devoured three mice, two gerbils and a sparrow. The heartless cads. The gangs are beginning to come out in the open now, emerging from their underground HQ as well as from the rooftops. Proof? Here you are.
Their Secret Service Infiltrates All Levels of Society
A rare photo of the Ninja Assassin Sect – last located in down town Tokyo but who have recently disappeared (seemingly without trace), leading Intelligence to believe that a full scale cat attack is imminent. Look at the pitiless eyes, the cold killer stares and admit to yourself there is reason to worry.
They Have a Secret Pirate Cabal
The dispassionate stare of a seasoned killer. This is one of the leaders of the, until recently, secret cabal of feline pirates. Walter, named after a certain Mr Raleigh of Elizabethan pirating fame, is close to the top of the CATLIT hierarchy and it will be his mission, when the attack comes, to spread confusion and chaos among humanity. If you own a cat and think it may be part of the Pirate Cabal, listen closely when he is sleeping. If, instead of going purrrr your cat instead emits an Arrrrr noise, then your worst fears will be confirmed. Run for your life (but be aware of the pointlessness of this).
They Are Highly Trained and Armed To The Teeth
They Know How to Exploit New Technologies
Cats have no fear of exploiting new technology in their war against us. In fact, they are encouraged from kittenhood to immerse themselves in the internet. In fact, several humans have recently been jailed for researching bomb making on the internet. Erroneously.
They Have Strange Hypnotic Powers
Another member of the youth arm of KITKAT tries to fool its unwitting human “owner” in to thinking it is just a super cute ball of fur. However, every now and again their guard goes down and their true nature can be revealed. Look at the insatiable thirst for power in the eyes of this villain and shudder! This is the true face of evil.
They Have Undergone Highly Intensive Training
They have a Special Air Service
They Have Secret Powers of Levitation
However, when all cats have this ability they will strike and humanity will be reduced to a subjugated role while the cats live a life of irresponsibility and decadent and degenerate sexual partnering.
They know how to put on the Mata Hari
Cats spit on their hands and rub it all over their bodies.
Too late, you've already been captured.
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